Our blessings are our children... My husband works at the local nuclear plant and they are in outage right now. This means that he is working 6 days a week, 12 hours a day. I know... can you imagine. But he is a good man and moves forward without complaint as he is providing for the blessings God has bestowed upon us. On the seventh day he rests and spends the day with his children and I. Usually, we go out to breakfast or lunch. Herein the motivation for todays post.
Taking our big group of children out to breakfast or lunch, especially on a Sunday, is a major endeavour. Not just getting them dressed or out and buckled into their seats in the van, but also into the restaurant. As their Mom I am watching over their every move and my mind remains silently critical. Jake's walking to loudly, clopping his feet as he goes. (Jake loves to be loud just like his Mom did when she was little. He is our grandson but is with us quite often on weekends by request) Ajia is fluttering along like a butterfly here and there getting in the waitresses way and in the way of customers departing. Sam and Luke are still trying to continue a light saber battle that they were playing in the van. Elijah is asking a little to loudly to please be able to sit by the baby, our youngest son, Mathew. Julia is tugging on Dad asking to sit next to him and I am warily watching Katie as she all most backs in to the people already seated at the table next to ours. I say nothing on any of this but only speak to remind them that they need to be respectful of the other people in the restaurant's desire to eat a quiet peaceful meal.
We have the meal down to a science so it is never a major thing to get dinner ordered. Sprite to drink for the kids and they circle what they want on the menu so the waitress can get their individual orders in the way she wants them. Oh if you have ever tried to just tell a waitress you want two kids pizza plates, two cheese burger plates, a grill cheese plate and three corn dog plates all with fries as the side... well... try it some time. It's like total mayhem for the waitress. Waitresses usually have a system, not only for them but for their servers, so they don't have to come out and ask "Who gets what?" So our system incorporates prevention of waitress meltdown. It works and we like it and you should see how happy the waitresses are.
Then the meal comes and my mind revs backs up into gear and thankfully my lips stay silent as I watch my children eat. Jake inhales and his meal is gone. Katie wears much of what she eats from cheek to cheek. Julia always drops at least one stain causing agent onto whatever part of her clothing is light colored. With Elijah, Luke and Sam it is how they eat. They, although taught at home at the dinner table how to eat, completely lose all sense of decorum. Food never meant to be picked up by their little hands dangle between their fingers dripping down on the table cloth and napkins as they pull it back to their mouth rather than come forward for it. Hamburgers are pulled apart and eaten one piece at a time. Fingers are dragged through their ketchup and licked. Their faces amazingly don't seem to catch any of this but from time to time their clothing does. Again, I have taught them better and don't recall seeing this at home. It's like when they are going out to eat they think it is time to regress and eat like I often see kids eating in the school cafeteria. But they are quiet and are not disturbing anyone... as far as they know.
But all this is leading to the ever constant phenomenon that occurs every time we go out to eat. People will just walk up to our table and tell us what well behaved kids we have. I initially felt stunned and stammered through thank yous as I tried to swim through all the things I'd witnessed and wondered about all they had missed. And when it continued to happen every single time we went out I felt myself wondering if I was missing something. Of course I took the opportunity to give the glory to God for blessing us with such wonderful children. But I remained dumbfounded.
Then one day my wonderful husband told me he had figured it out. I was eager to hear what he had to say as I was still lost. He told me that what happens is these people see our big family coming and being seated by them or they being seated by our big family. They instantly just know that they are going to have a miserable dining experience because of all those kids. By the time we are done, or they are, they feel compelled to come tell us what great kids we have because they didn't meet their expectations. LOL I do have to laugh because as soon as he said it, I knew it was true. That had to be it. I mean, sometimes two or more couples will come up to tell us how wonderful our children are. And it has gone from stunning me to being common place. And, as has become customary, I use the opportunity to bring God into the conversation every time.
Today, the couple seated next to us came and complimented us on how well behaved our children were. It was cute because the woman wanted to go on and on about where the children were from and telling us about her friend in New York whose daughter adopted a little girl from Russia and so on while her patient husband clearly was becoming more and more uncomfortable with the amount of time she was taking. Which reminded me of other awkward moments when we were in the midst of a meal and the person went on and on with us sitting there with forks full of food held in limbo before out lips, trying not to be rude to the wonderful people that wanted to compliment our family, yet knowing that bite was only growing colder by the moment. And you know if you put that bite in your mouth there will be a question or something that will require you to speak. Kind of like the phenomenon where you put a bite of food in your mouth and that is when the restaurant manager or waitress will come up and ask about your dining experience. All you can do is sit there and gesture to your rapidly moving jaw that is feverishly trying to grind down the food in your mouth to a swallowable size so you can respond without spitting food on him. Fortunately today we were just finishing up when the couple came up so no full forks or uncomfortable waits. We were able to enjoy the moment.
It is strange though. I think many things in life we instantly feel negative about without even giving it a chance. I was stopped once by an Deputy Sheriff and I was just so upset as when you have a big family there is no room for traffic tickets. They are definitely not in the budget. I sat there pondering what I was going to have to go without to pay for this ticket. Obviously I had been speeding as that is something I commonly catch myself doing and had successfully, I thought, been doing well with not doing. When the deputy got to my car I asked him why he had stopped me.
"Your tag is loose."
"Excuse me?"
"Your tag is loose. Looks like you have lost one of the screws." Now here was this guy doing me a favor so I didn't end up completely losing my tag and having to pay for a completely new one and I can tell you I didn't have a good Christian attitude about it. Not because of him, but because I instantly expected the worst. I was choking back the tears of relief as I thanked him and told him I would have my husband take care of it. Ok... so that was probably a once in a life time event but it was the perfect example of expecting the worst.
I see the school name pop up on my cell phone... "Someone is sick," is usually my first thought. The doctor's office... "We have missed an appointment we will have to pay for." Any of my older kids, "What's happened??" A number I don't recognize, "What bill did we forget?" How many times. So knowing this I tried once to vow I wasn't going to have negative thoughts every time the phone rang. Ha! It's a lot like I imagine being psychotic would be when you try to stop something so ingrained. The phone rings and there you are... "It's the school. Someone sick? No probably just want to check something with me. Julia wasn't feeling well this morning. When was the last parent teacher conference? Probably that time. I heard Sam coughing last night," and on and on. You'd be surprised how many thoughts can race through your mind while picking up and opening up your phone to answer it when you are fighting negative thoughts.
I am working on ways to stop my negative thinking, but I have a long ways to go. In the mean time I will keep thanking God for all the times I am wrong. Coming to him, just as the couples come to our table, to tell him how wonderful I think he is and how thankful I am for everything in my life. :o)*
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